Day one: top five fav excuses

OK, so....one of my favorite people and I are teaming up to do a blog challenge.  I am excited because she did one not long ago and I loved checking it and feel like I learned a lot about her..and she's pretty cool.
   oh, and I'm a brutally honest person most days..so i'm prepared to be shamed and embarrased on here.  Sound like fun?

So here's Day one;  Top five favorite excuses.
5.  "I stayed up till 4 am cause I don't have anything to DO early tomorrow!"  This is a true statement...but it doesn't warrant staying up that late and being all jacked up the next day.   I'm a dummy

4.  "But I LIKE soda".  I get that soda is the devil's pee pee...I understand.  It's rat poison laced with sugar....I GET IT!  But it's been my morning beverage since I was like 5 months old!!  

3. "I can get in the gym at any time and get back to looking less chubby/flabby/soft/doughy.
yes...for the first time ever, I jiggle....I mean really jiggle...like ALL THE TIME.  I look every day and notice less muscle and more bluble.    

2.  "But HE'S SO ANNOYING!"   yes.....HIM (to excuse my murderous rage toward him)

Derp.  Just freaking  DERP

UGH....this is the BANE of my existence.  He's tubby...i mean REALLY tubby...he's LOUD and very very selfish.   I call him Azzhool.  That's how I say it.  He's is the part of the body that deals most with excretion.  WHy AJ?  WHY SO CRUEL?
   well....When he feels its time to feed his JABBA the CAT self....He FREAKING TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS until you wanna stab your eardrum with a fork and break down and feed him.  " I BUY YOUR FOOD....YOU DONT HUNT FOR IT TWINKIE BOY! YOU WILL EAT WHEN I'M READY TO FEED YOUR HUMPBACK WHALE SIZED READ END!"
     Also....he decides he wants to be free and you guessed it....FED AGAIN at like 5 in the morning.  SO what does Sir Fatness do?  Well, he goes to the shut door in his room and puts his front paws on it.  Then he jumps as high as he can in order to slam his back paws into the wood floor.  It sounds like this "sheee BOOMBOOM"   Paws drag down the door and then his 400 pound tank-ass hits the floor in order to wake us up.  He does this while Meowing the whole time JUST to make sure we hear him and stop life-sustaining REM sleep. 
  I could continue but this would turn into the top 40 things I desssssspiiiiiiiise about this TURD.  So i'll move on:


1.  welp....honestly my main excuse for doing stuff I shouldn't do is "it wont catch up to me...there will be no negative consequences for this.  I'll be ok!"  Im sure we all do this, but it's stupid.  We're all kinda DERPY about this....but i'm still so worked up about the CAT...that I've lost focus.  Here's another picture of Sir GLUTTONY

I also sit there and make this face...it's a stupid face of nonstop staring at MOM because she's a softy SUCKER and she can be conned into enabling my obesity.   AIn't it great that you're stuck with me for like 20 more years! YAYYYYYY!